When Your Heart Is Empty and Your Dreams Are Lost
By Steve Stephens Alice Gray
Multnomah Publishers, Inc.
Copyright © 2004 Alice Gray and Dr. Steve Stephens All right reserved. ISBN: 1-59052-267-2
Is your marriage in danger? This is a portion of an article on signs your marriage is struggling. Run through the check list here and see how you stack up. Then follow the link here for the whole article and for more help. Or better yet buy the book!
http://www.worldcat.org/wcpa/servlet/DCARead?standardNo=1590522672&standardNoType=1&excerpt=true
Are You in Danger of Walking Away?
Check each symptom that you have routinely experienced over the past few months.
Irritation with your husband over trivial matters.
Feeling bored, or craving something new and exciting.
A strong desire to escape and get away from it all.
Loss of energy; feeling tired and worn out.
Acting moody and withdrawn around home.
Complaining that your husband spends too much time working or watching television.
Wanting to begin a career, change jobs, go to school, or move into a new house.
Feeling that most conversations with your husband are shallow, angry, or empty.
Loss of sexual desire for your husband or feeling that he has lost his desire for you.
Desire to change your image (trendy clothes, change in hair color, weight loss, breast
augmentation or other cosmetic surgery).
Discovering new friends and avoiding old friends with spiritual values.
General dissatisfaction with and growing resentment toward your husband.
Feeling misunderstood and lonely.
Feeling drawn to men who show any form of attention.
Imagining what it would be like if you were not married.
Tempted by addictive behavior (alcohol, drugs, excess spending, overeating,
overexercising, Internet chat rooms, gambling).
Sadness about unfulfilled dreams, goals, and expectations.
Feeling distant from God and bored or dissatisfied with church.
Being nicer, kinder, and more patient to others than to your husband.
Spontaneous tearfulness for no apparent reason.
Count the number of boxes you have checked. (If you have double-checked an item, count it only once here, but pay special attention to that item.)
If you checked ... Your marriage risk is probably ...
1-6 Mild to moderate-be careful.
7-12 Serious-need to make some changes.
13-20 Severe-get help now!
When you've finished the checklist, look at your answers. A few check marks are probably no cause for alarm, although they could be an early warning of problems to be solved. But the more items you checked, the more danger there is for your marriage.
Remember that relationship problems, if left unattended, usually continue to grow. Pain and frustration in your marriage can cause you to close your heart tighter and tighter. Your husband may not know this is happening, and you may not even be completely aware of it.
When couples come to me (Steve) for counseling, I sometimes demonstrate this closing of the heart and emotions by standing up and opening my office door. Then I begin closing the door slowly. Just before it shuts, I pause a moment and then slam it shut completely. The couples jump, but they usually get the message-that it's better to do something before the door slams shut.
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